A Game of Two Halves

 

Steve Gilmour, our team’s graphic designer, wrote today’s blog. He’s father to a whirlwind toddler who insists on not colouring in between the lines or finishing any of her jigsaw puzzles, one of many things that keeps him awake at night.

 

 

Russia is hosting the World Cup, our household, however, we’re holding tea cups. Married life is not a game, it’s much more important than that.

We had a night off. The little one was at Grandma’s house – living the high life – plump pillows, fat duvets and probably cake. That was no longer our concern.

We had successfully negotiated our group playoffs, all the household tasks were done. Washing up finished and put away, toys cleared up and for extra aggregate points, even the ironing was done. It was 7:30pm and our goal… no, our DREAM was to be tucked up and asleep by 9pm. For the first time in 4 years, we could actually defy all the odds and get a decent early night.

In 90mins time, it would all be over. An epic result for the home team. People would talk about this night for years.

The warm-up had begun, stretching and yawning and then, slippers were kicked off. Small talk about how much bread we had and blah, blah, blah work-related nonsense was tackled. Even a quick and deadly “Did you call your Mother?” was knocked into the area but quickly defended with a good clearance of “but I told her I’d call her midweek”.

It was moving on at a decent pace, tea was nearly gone, the final lifting of the cup was going to be glorious.

First serious set piece of the match was building. “I’m putting my cup in the kitchen, going to the bathroom then making moves to bed”. He’s looking good, lots of striker confidence… Man On.

She throws forward a strong counter move. “Have you locked the door and closed the windows in the porch?”
We’ve seen this manoeuvre before, it’s a brave challenge, She’s through the midfield and continues forward.
“You can lock up now you’ve stood up, I’ll quickly go to the loo before you.”
Oh No! Denied!! He’s lost bathroom possession and momentum. Schoolboy error, how could he not have seen that coming. That could be a game changer.

As play is firmly being led by the bathroom tactic, a quick check of the clock shows 20mins left of normal time, so with lounge light off; he moves his game plan to the bedroom.

With the majority of her squad being occupied with further set-piece tasks in the bathroom, the last line of defence is a thin unorganized formation of various random shoes and a vintage handbag in front of the wardrobes. A swift kick to under the dressing table should free up some much-needed space, but no, wait! Here She comes again with a counter attack.
“Don’t move them, I need them tomorrow!! Just step around them and go to bed. And don’t trip over them if you get up in the night. I don’t want you waking me up.”

It’s an exceptionally heavy challenge, but the Referee has decided to allow the game to play on. I think when they look over the post-match playback, they may well regret not offering him a free kick there.

Surplus tired scatter cushions are now being substituted for a fresh set of pillows and the final moments of the game are approaching. Both teams are in potentially good positions here, it could be an excellent result all round. The light is off and extra time is being added as the players try to get comfortable. Some petty jostling for position on the mattress area and under the duvet is getting some tempers fraying. There was definitely some unnecessary tugging, someone needs to put this game to bed.

The dying moments are upon us, it’s quiet. “Are you asleep?”

Silence.

He thinks he should ignore it, but he takes his eye off the ball. “Well I’m awake now, what is it?” The defenders are ragged and don’t see the lone striker making a last moment run for goal.
“Would you shut the bathroom window for me I forgot? Please, I don’t feel safe with it open.”
It’s a last-second dash into the penalty area, only the goalkeeper is left between ball and goal, and I don’t think he’ll get a hand to it.

“And seeing as you’re up can you plug my phone in to charge, grab me a glass of water from the fridge and make sure my purse is in my bag please?”

They think it’s all over.

“And don’t step on those shoes on your way out, I know what you’re like!”

It is now.